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Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 Hi, Dance Moms! The neverending Season 2 continues, as more friendly (Kendall) and not-so-friendly (her mom, Jill) faces keep making their way through the Abby Lee Miller revolving door of shame. Let’s get started.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 Before the Pyramid of Doom, a woman with a spunky Kate Gosselin bob walks into Abby’s studio and our lives, and her name is Jill. Oh, Jill. She of the Screams and the cowboy hat and the studio-hopping. She wants back on the tiny dancers’ team. So a crying Kendall is brought right back in. Abby says it’s not a big deal, she’ll just “stick her on the end.” Lovely!

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 At the bottom of the Pyramid this week are Mackenzie because her dancing was too fast last week, Nia (for falling), and Paige, who Abby admits didn’t really do anything wrong.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 In the middle are Chloe, for not making the top three, and Brooke, making a huge jump up the Pyramid, mainly because Abby likes her facial expressions (and her neck-dancing!)

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 At the top is Maddie, so naturally all the Moms roll their eyes and complain in separate confessionals. Maddie always wins, Maddie’s always at the top, Maddie is Abby’s favorite, and you know what? All of the above is true, so maybe the Moms should just get over it. The Pyramid of Doom isn’t actually worth anything, nor does it dictate their kids’ futures like, say, a report card. It’s just a wall of shame, and you’re a sucker if you buy into it.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 Maddie will be doing a solo this week called “I Can’t Find the Words.” Paige gets a solo called “Crème de la Crème,” and Nia gets a solo called “Working Girl by LaQueefa.” So in case you hadn’t heard (but seriously, how could you not have heard?), Nia once danced as a 70s Pam-Grier-in-Jackie-Brown kind of “character” named LaQueefa, complete with afro and leopard print jumpsuit. Nia had fun, and the tiny dancers loved it, so Nia will be reprising her role as the 12-year-old prostitute. So now you’ve heard.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 There will also be a group number about a vampire, so Abby Lee will actually bring in a tiny dancing boy into the mix. We’re squeeing with delight and anticipation, but Mackenzie says that “boys are icky, icky, icky, icky!” Mackenzie is a smartie.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 OMG it’s NICK!! LOLZ OMG! A stunning Zac Efron lookalike suddenly appears, and the girls can’t even contain their squeals of glee. They all run over and give the poor prepubescent a group hug. Next thing you know, he’s lifting the little ladies high up in the air and looking slightly self-conscious every time one of them spreads their legs a wee too wide. But OMG, NICK IS 2 HAWT 4 WORDZ U GUYZ! Squee.

Dance Moms Season 3 Episode 9 “He’s playing the vampire and we’re in a trance, and everyone’s telling us ‘He’s bad, don’t like him,’ but we can’t help it,” explains Maddie, and we want to forewarn her that this pretty much sums up love as a concept, but she’s too itty bitty, and she’ll find out soon enough anyway.

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